Monday, May 28, 2007

To Leave is To Live

Exactly two months ago, the self found himself aboard a ship. He was going home. A risky decision was made. He wanted to serve his people in the island, primarily to protect the island from biodiversity devastation. By the way, the self's island is where the world's densest forest flourishes, the Philippine's cleanest inland body of water flows and the majestic Mt. Guiting-Guiting dwells.

The NGO where he belongs wanted the self to be in the town's council, to be the youngest perhaps. He did not join any line-ups for such would defeat the principles of the organization. He ran as independet.

Came May 14, the self lost. He got 2,637 votes: honest votes. He was ranked 16th out of 17 candidates (the 17th being an independent candidate as well). He did not buy votes. He did not cheat. His pollwatchers were all volunteers (but they were compensated).

The self won. He won in the hearts of those who still believe in pure intentions and clean politics. He stood with his principles. He won for he believed in himself.

The journey must continue.

Leaving home was a decision yet to be comtemplated. 'Why did you leave the island?', someone asked. 'You are still needed here.'

'I don't know', I replied. 'You made me leave.'

In my heart, I shall leave to have more life so that when I come home again I shall have more strength to serve my people. I shall leave for I shall look for some other selves to help me face home.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

From Then On

The journey commenced two years ago. A new life, indeed. I left with no words for him though I yearned to talk to him. Yes, I sinned. Reconciliation was done. But I was proud--proud being part of the institution. Lessons were learned for future endeavors. However, I still hope to talk to him for I really don't know what he felt when I did something wrong and behaved unbecomingly. I need to talk to him for he is also leaving. I dream. I will.

I went home. With me had been the passion of the self for others still burning.

I still wanted to teach. My mentors wanted me to teach. I said yes thinking the chance to give back to my Alma Mater the learning I received and nurtured which brought me up to where I am. But the administrators said no. To my disappointment, I insisted and I offered my service for free. Still they said no.

The self revolutionized. It thought of a way to defeat its slavery. He enrolled as an irregular student in humility to be a mentor in disguise.

I dropped all my subjects and left unsatisfied. The self was longing to share itself with satisfaction to others. He was looking for such satisfaction to know itself fully.

The mission of the self is to share itself to others to attain the vision: to know the whole self and move on. The self was lost and became unknowable because of the blur experience two years ago.

The self?

Was a seminarian for six years and summoned in front of a bishop and presbyterium for writing a 'revolutionary' position paper.

A philosopher. A dreamer.

A seminary college instructor for a year. An ordinary college instructor for two and a half years. Became a student, a mentor in disguise. Turned call center agent for almost two years.

Now, an environmentalist. Staunch defender of an ice-age island. An activist. A local journalist. A businessman.

A lover.

The Self, Two Years Ago

My contract ended.
That was two years ago.
Five months before. I knew. Days would end.
I saw the chalkdust fell.
I cried.
They cried.
Five months more.
I left. Behind. A legacy. An inspiration.
I was proud of them.
They said I was great. No.
I am not.
Yes. I am.
For they made me great. Because they were great.

(I am grateful to my students, friends and colleagues in Letran. Though too young to be an instructor, you inspired me to move on and believe in my self.)